i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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