i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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