How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
