My brain says no but my pants say off.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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