The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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