I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
