I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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