Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
