If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
