Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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