that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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