the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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