You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
