Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
