she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
