Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
