i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
