I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
