The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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