I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
