No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
