he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize