question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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