Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
