Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
