Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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