What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
