he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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