Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
