i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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