You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
