Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
