If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
