so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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