You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
