How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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