I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
