oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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