So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
