The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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