Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
