I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
