dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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