So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
