So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
pray to the hookup gods
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
