I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
