you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
