I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
