Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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