At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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