shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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