I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
