I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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