I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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