highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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