i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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