But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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