I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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