I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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