70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
