I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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