it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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