May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
whose parrot is this?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
