Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
