eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
