What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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