seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
