All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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