fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
