In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
