it was like his penis was on wheels.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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