I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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